False accusations have plagued Black men for generations. We’ve all heard different stories of Black men falsely accused of a sexual assault or domestic violence situation by the word of a spiteful or vindictive woman.
The dating world is even worse thanks the ever-growing anxiety men have regarding offending the wrong woman.
In this era of #MeToo a simple allegation from the wrong woman can put a man at risk of getting arrested and losing his freedom.
Personally, I know a brother from college that was falsely accused of rape and spent 2 years in county jail. He ended up going to trial and his attorney showed proof that the victim had fabricated the incident. While the charges were dropped criminally, his professional reputation was destroyed and he ended up having to move out of the state.
So why does this happen?
While we can always blame the plague known as feminism or the “get the bag culture” that women follow today, upon closer examination it becomes abundantly clear that society targets Black men through the court system.
Marriage is prime example.
You make a decision to marry a person because you can see a future with them & potentially want to build a family together. As you’re enjoying your married life, she may be preparing to initiate a no-fault divorce and divest you from critical assets.
Worse, they drag their own children through court proceedings that they know will cause future psychological harm. Then those same children are used as bargaining chips to gain leverage, often by the mother, in family court. These poor children oftentimes end up being a weapon women use in court to gain financial advantages such as alimony and custodial payments.
A recent trending story featured Dr. Dre fighting legal battles during his high profile divorce filing. Within 48 hours of her filing for a divorce, Dr. Dre’s spouse emptied his company’s joint account of nearly 400 thousand dollars, and then attempted to discredit his reputation by saying he abused her for 20 years. She went on to ask the court for 2 million dollars per month for her living expenses.
Taking all of these factors into consideration, a man can come out of a messy process like this and end up hurt spiritually, physically and financially.
Brothers, it’s time to put contingency plans in place to protect your personal and professional reputation.
Tips on protecting yourself when dating
Make sure you recommend that first dates are held in public places where security cameras and witnesses are most likely to be in the area.
Cameras are important because it visually chronicles past incidents from an objective perspective. The recorded video will detail the facts regarding the encounter between you and the woman during the alleged incident. The public eye in hindsight is subjective, so you’ll want people to see your behavior from an objective view during this alleged incident. This video can also be used in any future court proceeding as evidence.
Next, keep all your text messages or emails of your interactions with this person. People lie when they believe you have no alibi, its best to have documentation of interactions with people who may potentially cause you legal troubles later on.
If for any reason you have to prove yourself to a cop or the courtroom, you want to show a conversation trail. Text messages, emails and voice messages become evidence once it’s on your mobile device or computer.
A flash drive is great if you need extra storage space.
Sometimes the conversations may get sexual, make sure your replies in these conversations are subtle.
Just remember, in court you want to present as many facts as possible to show your innocence.
Get a security system in your household and vehicle
One great investment that will pay off when you’re trying to protect yourself is security systems for your home and vehicle. Today’s technology has made it convenient to afford security cameras of any size. You don’t have to get an expensive one, but you don’t want to get a extremely cheap one as well.
You want a system with features like good sound quality, at least 720 pixels for picture quality, and night vision. You also want the cameras to have the capability to rotate around the area the space you’re monitoring.
Learn how to accept rejection
If someone isn’t interested in you, just politely walk away. Too many people in this world to be stressing over someone. Getting rejected can be hard, just understand that rejection is a part of life.
We win some and we lose some, it’s not the end of the world.
Protecting yourself during marriage
Save some money for a worst-case scenario
You want to save this money in case the marriage gets toxic. This emergency fund will help you be able to pay for anything when a crisis happens. Finding a new place or affording an attorney is not cheap, you want to be prepared to leave without any stress when it comes to a financial matter. If you are able to open a second bank account, invest in a safe and just handle cash. Putting cash on gift card is smart but you will have to watch out for the transaction fees.
Retain an Attorney
One critical part of the contingency plan is to retain an attorney. Find one that’s going to give you a transparent plan of action and can promise the best outcome.
Get off of Social Media
Any social media platforms, you need to close your account ASAP. Any friends that you met from your ex-spouse, you need to cut them off. They have the ability to provide previous testimonials like arguments or rantings of yours to the court.
If you’re worried that your social media life will be used as evidence in court you may always ask your attorney to request that the court make non-violent social media statements (like yours) admissible in court.
Get your custody situation handled
You want to make sure your children are placed in a safe environment.
Divorce and child custody are two different matters, but some courts will try to combine the divorce decree and separation accords.
Let your attorney know that you would like the child custody taken care of first and you would like to request to have primary or sole custody.
In conclusion, we only get one life and its best to have plans for the worst. Protect yourself & your reputation by planning ahead.
–Anthony Dunham, B1Daily